Analeisa Rose Rivera
Grew angel wings 03/06/2011
May she always be flying high in the sky with all the other Angels.
I must say that this is the worst tragedy I have ever been through and trust and believe I have had a lot of trauma and tragedy through out my life. I am forever grateful for.
Analeisa is the sister of 3 girls her being the youngest. When this tragedy happened it forever changed me as a person.
I was very angry. I didn’t understand how once again GOD could let this happen. I was married to her and my middle child’s dad. I left him for good reasons. I let him come and visit for Analeisa’s 1st birthday. When I left him I moved 240 miles away.
So it took a good thinking to allow him to come visit. I moved In July of 2010, and allowed him to come and visit in September of 2010. As he would go back home he started to come back and visit on and off for the next few months.
By New Years 2011 we were talking about him moving in. He managed to get a job on the oil Riggs and by the end of February we were planning him to move back in as he had a really good job. The best job he has ever had.
Finally I thought all my dreams where going to come true. Being that if a family hard working financially stable. Most of all my kids would have their mother and father. My dream all my life was and is still to have a loving family. That is something I always longed for as a child and into my adult life. For I did not have that growing up.
The end of February we drove to his house to pick up his things and have him move in. Needless to say when we reached Denver we found out that his grandmother was in the hospitals owe ended up staying for a week.
We traveled back to Grand Junction with his things in the car on March 05 2011. We were all very tired. It was mid evening when we arrived. A quick spaghetti dinner was made. My middle child and I went to bed in her room and Analeisa with her dad in our room.
At approximately 3:30am I work up to her crying. At first I thought she’s with her dad so I did not get up however she continued to cry. So I got up and went in there. She had an ASD heart murmur and was very small for her age. She was in 9 month old clothes as she was almost 1 and a half. I had a toddler bed next to my bed.
When a got up I put her in her bed and went back to sleep. Linda came in as always around 7 to 7:30 to wake us up. When I rolled over Analeisa looked weird.
I jumped up and picked her and she was not breathing. I was screaming and ran next door and told them that Analeisa was not breathing. They called 911 immediately.
When the paramedics got there they had her on the floor and she was gone.
I was in shock. I had no reaction. I cried however could not cry. I didn’t understand what was going on. How could when things are going to be perfect turn into tragedy.
At that point the cops were there, my daughter Linda was now next door and my husband and I standing outside. When he says I dropped an 80 milligram OxyContin pill and I think she took it.
I looked at him and said WHAT! Started hitting him. I said you better go in there and tell him. He did just that. He asked them to arrest him.
To make a long story short. I started drinking a lot. My dad came to stay with me for about a month. I don’t remember how long I was in shock. It was a very loong time. My husband now obviously my ex husband got 18 years for child abuse resulting in death.
My friends it was hell going through the court preceding was aweful. It was hell for my other two girls. My middle child Linda lost her sister her father and ultimately her mother all in one day. Though Linda was very young she knew what was going on. She was so young that didn’t even know how to say her name. She called her sissy. Later about a year later she said her name and did not call her sissy. I was amazed.
After the sentencing and I divorced him. I thought to myself I better go to GOD. Even tho I was drinking a lot he was there for me and I was so angry I didn’t see it at first. About 2 years of serious drinking self distraction I stopped drinking.
We started going to church almost every Sunday. When one day we were on our way to church and on KLOVE they were talking about one day seeing a loved one that they say the d word I personally say angel wings. You would see them again someday. Right then the thought that came to my mind was that Jesus was standing in my room when she grew angel wings. As hard as it was it was so very comforting.
That was the start of the healing. Then of course the sermon spoken that day was about people and how we would see them again.
Analeisa comes to visit occasionally. I have a tattoo on my back which when was done the ink was dipped into her ashes then of course used in the tattoo.
When Analeisa comes around the angels will tickle my neck to get my attention to reach back there and it will be wilted. As if the ratio was just done. It happened just last week as a matter of fact. When she flies away it goes back to normal.
Every time I would get real down about Sissy GOD was there. Analeisa would come around as a white butterfly as well. We would at first do balloons every Sunday which on 3/6/2011 was a Sunday.
This butterfly actually landed the following Sunday. GOD let us pet it. Then she flew away. From this day forward my girls and I would call white butterflies Sissy butterflies. Still do today.
I was introduced to a lady by the name of Alice Monroe. She is the president of the Compassionate friends in Grand Junction. Her son grew angel wings at 16 when a young girl jumped out in front of him and he went off the side of the Colorado National Monument.
She went through the Court proceeding with my daughter. She simply is an amazing women. For her tragedy she found her purpose in life by build a beautiful place in the mountains for people who have lost kids grandkids anyone who has experienced loss to go and just be by themselves. For the first few years I went there for Analeisa’s birthday and her angel day.
Sissy’s ashes were always wrapped up. I even carried them in my purse for a long time. Jesus helped me with that.
This was her funeral.
Like I said sending balloons in lue if her growing angel wings. The picture above is Linda teaching for a balloon and the light in the picture speaks for itself. So comforting!
The filling pictures are from when I would go up with Alice. There is a sheep herds den that helped me write a letter to GOD. The next is where you rate your letter up and put it in that jar. Then the next the chapel. God would meet me there I promise you that.
Being dick and tired of being sick and tired of drinking Alice mentioned that I should go to AA. So I did. This is where I learned the 12 steps. Alice was my sponsor. I wrote a letter to GOD myself and to the people whom I have hurt and that have hurt me that they would forgive me as I would forgive them.
I went to Alice and we went through admitting my wrongs and the personal inventory part of the twelve steps. It was then that I read the letters and she started praying with me when done reading. At the end of the prayer she started breathing real hard and told me that GOD was sending his angels to put an extra layer of protection over me and I felt a very strong feeling of tightness from my head to my toes.
I can’t tell you when she was done praying the feeling that I had. I was floating a cloud. All my burdens were lifted. Everything was gone. In the past. I wrote a letter to my ex husband and sent it to the prison he was at.
My friends GOD saved my life in so many ways that day and truly was just the beginning.
He taught me that forgiveness is first and foremost the most important thinking that we should conquer because he forgives us. It says in the Bible if you do not forgive how and why should he forgive you. That if his love is unconditional then why can’t we love unconditionally.
After this happened even tho I had an amazing spiritual awakening I still in a lot of ways struggled. I started saying the serenity prayer all the time. If I had a thought that was going back into the past I would repeat it over and over again, sometimes in tears. I would repeat it over and over again until the feeling of sadness or anger would go away.
I strongly suggest doing this because it works. Promise. I would listen to Christian songs over and over again. Depending on what was going on in my life.
With all of this being said. I love god for everything that he has done for me. He showed me unconditional love during this worst time in my life. Again it was just the beginning.
Trust and believe your tragedy or trauma that you have experienced has a purpose.
Please trust GOD and love him with all your heart mind and soul. That’s the 1 Commandment of the 10 commandments. Don’t blame him for he is calling for a purpose.
I love you with all my heart and soul. Your amazing in the site of the Lord.
P.S. God will never forsake you nor leave you.