Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tee life. Proverbs 13:12
This verse reminds me of my theory that we are all trees. Think about it a heart deferred mean procrastination about something you know needs to be done. But a desire fulfilled means what it’s telling you to do. You have in your heart what need to be done and you not doing it.
The desire is your why! Why are you on this earth. That desire is the purpose and the tree is you.
It takes sometime depending on how hard you work to be built up to find out that purpose. A well rooted tree does not be grow over night it takes time. It takes water, and sunlight. It takes trimming and some trees have to be cut down because it is dead right?
The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death. Proverbs 13:140
I have said it time in time that reading a Chapter of Proverbs a day teaches you to be wise. GOD shows you your Character Defects in a way sometimes you don’t want to know. You are a chosen being.
With that said in order to find Purpose in your life, you have to become wise and turn away from all the behaviors and addictions that you may display. You guys, this is not your fault. You were taught this way. It takes the desire of the heart to learn to become wise in order to find out what that purpose is.
For you are a people holy to the Lord your GOD. The Lord you’d GOD has chosen you to be a woolens for him treasured possession, out of all the peoples on the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 6:6
I remember when this journey first started. He was teaching me a lot of things. When GOD first came in my life I was a very angry person, I was drinking a lot and doing drugs here and there. I was a addicted to sex, food at times, drama, and the need to be loved. I was addicted to self pity, I had extreme low self esteem. In which still struggle with today. However, it’s better than it was before.
In my life I have been through molestation, incest, suicide, my parents divorced when I was about 1 years old. Both my parents were drug addicts. Thank GOD my dad took my brother and I away from that.
All these things happened before I was 8 years old. Dad had my brother and I in counseling for a very long time. I still remember her name. Fran was an awesome lady.
Living with my dad, he had women in his life. He married a lady named Karen who was super loving and took really good care of us. She went through some really rough times with my dad and his kids. She did not have any kids. My dad worked a lot. He was a workaholic. He traveled a lot. Karen was with us.
Not knowing my mom, she came back into our lives when I was 9. Sheen meeting her she had 2 other kids at this time. Dad gave us the option to go and with her to visit. We lived in Englewood, Colorado, she lived in Evergreen, Colorado.
I went Jason did not. She was so mean. She drank, smoked pot, and cussed. She lived in a really dirty cabin. I never went back. It was completely the opposite of what my dad did. He didn’t do any of those things. Nor did I know anything about them. So I didn’t go back in fact didn’t even talk to her for about 3 years later.
As I look back at my relationship with GOD and how he has made me., and has shown me my purpose he was with me the whole time. I did not realize it then, however now I know he was.
Continuing on dad divorced Karen. He met someone knew. That was hard because she was there for us more than he was. She was the second person that was pulled from my life that I truly loved. The first was my grandma to suicide.
He ended up marry this lady Anne. She was good at first then after they got married that was it of mrs nice. She was mean, it only got worse after they had a baby. We now were living in Las Vegas. My mom cane back into our lives. By that time I wanted to leave because of Anne.
So we arranged me to go live with my mom for 1year. I thought that I would be happier with her. Prior to living with her I went to go visit her and it was the best time. She then had 3 kids instead of 2. They were all young compared to me. I would have to say that was the one and only time I really felt my mom loved me.
After going back home things were still really bad, so that’s when I went to go live with her. We were still in Las Vegas and she was living in Crawford Colorado. We lived on the rim of the black canyon. It was a culture shock. Not only that she was pregnant again. Drinking, smoking, had a husband that heat her and yeah I don’t know what I was thinking. I was only 11.
Ended up being the mom to the kids. And experienced a lot there. With in just a couple months I was calling my dad come get me. He would not because of the school year. He said he would come get me when school let out. So I didn’t have the choice but to stay. I promise you my stuff was packed and ready to go a week before my dad got there to come get me.
He brought Jason and we went to the blue Mesa for a little mini vacation and went back to Las Vegas. It was awesome because it was just my dad and my brother. And he drove, more quality time with them. It had been 9 months since I saw them. I left my moms happy to leave to say the least.
During this time Anne also had a baby while I was gone. Me being a mom at my moms house by the time I got to my dads house it was a walk in the park with their baby. I think Anne was jealous of that. She was a new mom. Anyways she always had a problem. Maybe it was because o was back and Jason and I were just my dads kids.
To make a long story short. I thought that I turned out pretty good. Leaving home which ultimately turned out to be my moms at 16. I knew I had a choice on which way to go. By now I’d seen good way of living and a bad way. I chose the good way for a long time.
Worked at Wendy’s for 4 years. Self supporting for a long time. The one thing I lacked was Love. My thought was every time I really loved someone I lost them. My grandma to suicide Karen who dad divorced, my dad and my brother in the end because they were not around. So I seeked it in men. Married at 18, took care of this guy for a long time. I was working in the convenient store industry was an assistant manager by 19. Divorced this guy went right into another relationship. By 18 I was smoking pot. I drank a little bit however when I felt like I was going into the alcoholic mode I stopped.
By 21 I was using meth. Was very insecure was in a bad destructive relationship in which I stayed in for 10 years. We had one child. Divorced him left my child. Started dealing meth, and doing the worst with it. Got in trouble. Yeah.
Always had a thought that I would someday be a teacher lawyer or accountant.
Then the loss of my daughter. That was a rap I gave up I didn’t know why that happened. I was pissed to say the least. I would say to GOD I turned out pretty good for all the things I’ve been through. Why now this. I was truly broken.
I knew that if I didn’t go to the Bible I would have some serious problems. I read everyday however was still pissed and hurt.
He started showing my gifts that I didn’t know I had. I feel like when Jesus was in my room with my little girl he touched me or something. It calmed me down to know that Jesus was there. It took about 2 years to realize that. However when I did I can’t tell you how I felt. Then things started happening like I would be thinking about something or have a dream about something and it would happen. The first thing I remember was these animals I was thinking or dreamt about them I don’t know one of the 2 and I looked up in the sky and all the clouds were animals. I was like what is going on.
Of course made me smile however I didn’t understand. Moving forward to that journey I just know that GOD was there however I wasn’t listening. Bad things starting happening. Like breaking the smallest bone in my body. Cutting my hand twice stitches and still numb-in both places.
Still not listening homelessness. Which taught me a lot. Losing my daughter to my dad who still has her. I will have her back.
The point is that I knew that we are all made to help each other. That’s why we are made and that’s why things happen to us. Especially if we don’t listen. During this time GOD was teaching he character defects that I had. Like how I was treating people. It was not good. I shut everyone out. And honestly 8 years later after my daughter grew angel wings I’m just learning how to let people back in my life. It’s a challenge for me.
Now that I am willing and all of these things that happened are for a purpose. It’s the purpose that GOD had in my life. He chose me and he chose you. The difference between knowing your chosen and doubting or blaming GOD is how you think.
Through the years and during being homeless is that I didn’t have a choice but to surrender to him and what he was doing to change my thinking. It is our troubles in our life that makes you who you are. GOD loves you and wants you to find your purpose through what you’ve been through.
For those of us that go through the most. Like most adults don’t go through the things that I have gone through. Most people don’t experience the things that I did in the first 12 years of my life.
I am sure that some of you can relate. Which brings me to why it is important to know that’s why your called.
I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. John 17:23
Father, I desire that they also whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the earth. John 17:24.
He knew you and I before we were born. It is up to us to go to Jesus to be reborn. In order to completely as one you have to surrender to him.
If you feel through out your day things are happening like Deja vu thinking you have met some body or bad things happen. It’s GOD trying to get your attention. Start recognizing it. Even the simplest things. He will make you humble. He will get your attention I promise you that.
If you have a desire in your heart to do something go for it. If your called to take a leap of faith to do something different that’s GOD. If you’ve been through something that you know can help someone else go for it. If you feel sick and tired of the way your living change it to be a better person. Listen to what GIFs telling you to do. At worst he will help you change your thinking to be of him. What’s wrong with that?
I say at worst because that’s how people think. It is Jesus that came to save us. He is the potter and you are the clay. You are the tree that he is tearing down and building back up so that you may ge the tree of life. His tree of life and that’s through understanding gaining knowledge of wisdom so he may tell you why you are here.
You guys I am a serious testimony of how to find your purpose in life if you let him show you. How to walk into your destiny if you just listen.
I love you all