Today is the first day of my life if Sobriety. I pray that GOD will allow me to see the importance of my life. I pray that he will direct my thoughts to be of him that I will finally understand the value that I have for other people.
For all who have some kind of addiction I get it. It’s a horrible feeling inside to have some kind of disease that is attached to you. I can pretend everyday that I’m ok. And in all reality we are all ok. The lesson in surrender is the thought that we have to love something more than GOD.
When I think about that, I do not love anything more than GOD. It seems to be different because I don’t listen.
You may be experiencing this is another I don’t know. I’m just saying that if we don’t listen then we can’t expect anything to change.
If I don’t change and that’s a choice that I have to make. It’s wanted! The change can’t be any scarier than the risks that have already been taken.
Even tho I started drinking again I’m still proud of myself for doing the things in Austin like keeping a job. I liking it. So the bullshit that I tell myself has to sto because it isn’t true.
I don’t know if anyone has realized how GOD is working with me. He took my mind and started making me crazy. Such as talking to myself, GOD and who ever else. Like for me that’s all really frustrating. It’s frustrating in the sense that I never have been like that.
I think about my past life before being transformed mindfully. I’m like dang I’m nothing like I was before in my thinking. With that said I will never miss that old Melissa in the fighting, worldly thinking. Keeping that mindset of Spiritual thinking is hard. I make it even harder by making the decisions that I make which are not good. The point being us even tho I don’t have the life I used to have….. my own place, a car, most importantly I mess the family part of it. I miss cooking and cleaning and having that family with my kids.
However I don’t miss the insecurity that I was stuck in there. Jealousy not being ok by myself, cussing, being hateful all those things that was taught growing up.
With that said I’m ok with the new way of thinking that GOD as taught me. Even tho I don’t act like I’m wide. I truly am. I know that when I get Linda back I will be able to teach her a different way of thinking so that she doesn’t grow up with low self esteem ir judging or the love of money or materialistic things. Like that’s not ok. Right!
The decisions that I’m making are what’s keeping me stuck and today is the day that stops.
When I almost quit smoking… GOD gave so many more ideas and the thinking of him to write. I didn’t do it. However my mind and the visions were awesome. Just a little taste of that is great. Then I started back drinking and smoking and he takes my mind away. That’s how powerful he is. I feel it. I feel the difference. I don’t know if you noticed in my ability to stay focused at work. Or the ability to work like find stuff to do and make sure it’s done. Instead of standing there day dreaming. Like that’s the power of him saying look Melissa your doing this.
It’s a big slap in the face. However the experience with that is huge. Because he showed me as I felt the difference. It’s powerful.
Today is a new day. My goal today is to write goals down at the river. And my book.
To whoever is reading this life is hard. There are big hills and sometimes mountains to climb. The hills and the mountains get smaller when we start recognizing the way you are thinking. GOD will tell you. Just listen to your gut. Be aware of your surroundings and if there ya something going on in your life listen to what people are saying because most likely GOD will tell you through someone. So listen. It’s really powerful when you here something from someone else about how your acting or feeling.
It’s also a great way to build a relationship with GOD. Even tho the reality of it sucks sometimes. I’m not going to lie. It’s hard yet so exciting in the end because your changing who you are.
You addressing your character defects. Over time you start acting different.
This life is based on everyone’s thinking.
However it is also about the love for one another and having FAITH.
GOD is love and faith. It’s the foundation of the world.
With all this said, I love you all. If your having a hard time with addiction send me a message because I too am having a problem with drinking. We can support one another, that’s why GOD made people. The worst part of being addicted and not having somebody is hard. With that said let’s connect.
Much Love Always.